Signed, a Hollaback Girl

Filed under: music,rants @ 00:59

An open letter to Gwen Stefani;

Though your latest album is very good technically, you manage to pull of a mere “mediocre” aesthetically. Perhaps I am being unfair; I have simply heard samples from all the songs on your album but have heard only two songs in their entireties (What you waiting for? and Hollaback Girl). However, any album containing the latter must necessarily fall short of excellence. It is this song which this letter addresses.

Perhaps it is ironic that I am chastising you by verbiage rather than meeting you back at the bleachers (sans principals and student teachers, naturally) to engage in a pugilistic fracas the outcome of which would determine our relation in the current social hierarchy. I hope the irony is not lost on you, but after hearing the level of sophistication intrinsic in your lyrics, I must concede that that hope may be in vain.

As reported by imdb, you were born in 1969; thus, you are thirty-five years old. I bring this up not to debase you with unfair societal impressions regarding age and women (which, again ironically, is, in part, the subject of the other of your songs I have heard in full) but only to point out that your Junior High experience occurred roughly twenty years ago. Given that fact, and even setting propriety aside, how much artistic value is there in demanding some naive school girl set aside her pom-poms and face up to her back stabbing defamation by engaging in physical combat? Perhaps this song is a study in anachronism? Or in some otherwise incongruous juxtaposition? Alternatively, you may simply be trying too hard.

Actually, I think I can answer my own, above question dealing with artistic value. In the situation set forth in Hollaback Girl is a great deal of substance which could have been presented very poignantly in a piece of like theme. However, your song lyrically consists of callow, fatuous drivel: even below the level of typical pop. I expected better things from you. Previously I have had a great deal of respect for your work. If it weren’t for the fact that you are riotously hot, I might be even more critical of your recent work. As it is, I bigotedly and unabashedly make allowances.

Yours in Critique,


    mac 02.10.2006 @ 17:54

    and I just realised I submitted the 100th comment. do I win something?


    […] Cons: 1. It’s technically a subscription. That means you have to join, buy your songs, then cancel. Unless you want to go back every month to buy exactly ninety songs and no more. 2. No major labels=no “hollaback girl” 3. Web based interface – the actual interface sucks, samples don’t work properly for me, need an extra program for a “download manager” 4. I don’t get to give money to Apple, which I love to do. OMG i luv u apple :) !!! iBuy iAnything. […]

    crystal 07.09.2006 @ 15:04

    I LOVE YOUR MUSIC!!!!!!!!!

    allysha 07.20.2006 @ 20:01

    Im allysha- yea boi


    help me 2 get on bebo without any proxies cpoz my skool blocked it thanks- wb

    sammy 08.23.2006 @ 20:05

    itz a pretty cool song!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Chris 11.26.2006 @ 05:03

    I like it, but everyone has different tastes.

    jess 12.08.2006 @ 07:13

    hey can u tell me some web sites to get on bebo in skool plz cheerz !!!xx

    jess 12.08.2006 @ 07:15

    scrap that lol i was on da wrong fing

    Ames 12.15.2006 @ 17:20

    I love Gwen! I thought the CD had a good popish beat, but I don’t think any of the lyrics were thoughtfully written. I think it’s funny that she went more hip hop like everyone else. That really gets me!

    haley 12.23.2006 @ 15:32

    your song rocks i won my cheerleading game in mesqite aginst the ravens they suck anyway cause broncos rules

    go broncos!!

    Not a Bitch 01.01.2007 @ 18:34

    I think this song sucks. We still live in a society that punishes people for interracial realtionships and marriages.

    For Gwen to pick on a woman who has Schizophrenia and Manic Depression it is unethical and down right evil.

    I am no stranger to this crap I experienced a great deal of physchological emotional and sexual abuse as a young child to teach me to hate myself and my body. But she wouldn’t have a clue what that must feel like. While life was hell for me growing up, she came from a supportive faminly and were a popular cheerleader.

    I have worked with people with both mental and physical disabilities for quite a few years. I enjoyed my work and helping others. I get angry when people profit off of exploiting people with these kinds of problems and thats what she did.

    I have also spent quite a few years doing volunteer work in my community. Yes I was sexually abused as a young child. But I am no WHORE!!

    I am not a racist. I do not hate Christians or people of other religions. I wish for peace I wish there was an easy solution to the war in Iraq.

    What about her solution to the world problems if she is smart as she thinks she is? I know that there’s a god and thank him she didn’t win a grammy for your crummy song.

    There are places where women work where sexual harrassment still takes place. There are many work places that punish women for being over a certain age and still being single with crude degrading talk and other threats in this country.

    One major corporation was exposed for sexual harrassment not too long ago. One woman committed suicide it was so bad. People have a right to dignity despite their marital status or whehter they have disabilities or not.

    However, I do understand that the situation is far worse in many other countries. Sure I would like to fight these problems at least here if not here and abroad. I hope I don’t have to work for an organization that supports her sleazly ass and rewards her for that disgusting heartless song.

    Robert 12.08.2007 @ 17:21

    That album was so very good! Mostly hits… a lot of fun!

    The original poster is a pompous ass! Commenter #1 pegs him to a tee! I wonder if the poster looked up all those words….. because the whole post was more an exercise in vocabulary than one in critique!

    Anonymous 12.01.2008 @ 02:30

    dey all fukin shit u diks dey dnt evn wrk

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