Operation Gluttony

Filed under: a group of folks @ 20:29

Who else thinks that “to devour in greedy gulps” must have come via Thanksgiving from “the guttural, chortling sound of a male turkey” (American Heritage Dictionary)?

Even if it didn’t, the two words have now a happy coexistance.

Thanksgiving was held here at the SLR this year, which meant Greg, Paul.za and I had to figure out how to sit seventeen people in our living room in order to make war against Thanksgiving dinner. Not a trivial task. Paul.za’s and Greg’s Ikea desks were drafted for service in the trenches. The real problem, though, was chairs. I think, between the three of us, we have over twenty places for people to sit. But about half of these seats do not couple well with dinner tables. Thus, Wednesday evening, I could be found aimlessly walking around the apartment expecting to find a new chair source we hadn’t yet thought of (“hm, maybe I’ll look into my room again – see if there are a half dozen dining room chairs in there I forgot about”). So I broke down and went to Target, where I enlisted four folding charis and a card table. Heidi brought another set of folding chairs to complete our arsenal.

Enemy forces included: two turkeys (the General roasted by Bert and Dixie, the Admiral fried by Michelle and Bert), Captain Gravy and Colonels Stuffing, Lt. Colonels Mashed and Roasted Potatoes and Commander Green Bean Casserole, Major Fruit Salad, Captain Cranberry Whatnot, First Lieutentant Roasted Vegetables, Second Lieutentants Devilled Eggs, and Petty officer Wild Rice and Private Corn. Foccacia and Veggies Hors d’oeuvres were sent as emmisaries to our glorious coalition. Additionally, the enemy was prepared to unleash one hundred and eight Gammie Rolls from various special operations units (Delta Force, Rangers, Night Stalkers, Green Berets, SEALS and Rough Riders).

My comrades in arms (the Insatiable Horde) were Paul.za, Greg, Heidi, Dixie, Jeff, Ariele, Ace, Steeze, Adam, Michelle, Suvir, Julie, Bert, Saucy, Bonnie and Allen (brought in as a foreign consultant and mercenary). Before (during and after) the hostilities, we fortified ourselves with various brews, wines and Jell-O shots. We were prepared. We were ready.

The battle began at 1600 hours – the hors d’oeuvres emissaries were eaten ritualistically within view of the remaining comestibles in order to induce fear and desolation. When the battle proper bagan, the Turkeys and Stuffing, as expected, were the first to take heavy damage. Gravy’s resources were also heavily depleted as were both Potato divisions. The rest of the carnage was laid evenly across the rest of the enemy’s forces. Special Ops were sent in frequently, but were unable to deter our Horde of ravenous feasters.

Waving the white napkin, the Comestibles signed a peace accord and agreed with the stipulation that the remaining Axis of Edibles would be split up among the Horde. While relaxing and revelling in our momentous victory, however, the Comestibles rallied a sneak attack. They too had hired mercenaries and unleashed them just when we thought our conquest complete: the desserts had come. Two sorts of pecan pie, a pumpkin pie, and an unending sea of delicious brownies. It was all we could do to keep up, let alone make any headway.

Eventually, Ariele set upon the winning strategy: place desserts within eyesight of as many of the horde as possible. We took them down until they begged for mercy. None was shown.

Adam was awarded a Silver Star for gallantry in action against the enemy and in consuming more helpings than was technically possible. Jeff was awarded a Legion of Merit for exceptionally meritorious conduct in the consumption of turkey legs. Saucy received a Purple Heart for repeatedly falling out of her chair.

All in all a fantastic Thanksgiving.


    MDA 11.28.2004 @ 00:30

    Dixie has some pictures up here. (Thanks!)


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