This year, I decided to abuse that power and completely change the rules. Instead of Secret Santa, we’d be celebrating the holidays just like the magi did: showing up late with questionable presents. Melchior‘s Mixup Madness was born, and it was born in the holy form of a White Elephant party: everyone brings a gift and the presents are doled out over the course of a game involving lots of backstabbing and treachery.

Here’s a basic flowchart showing two things: the traditional rules of a White Elephant party and that I am a giant nerd.

The first person to go opens a gift, the second person can open a new gift or steal the first person’s gift, and so on until all the presents are opened.

Note that I’m using := as the assignment operator, that M is an index ranging from one to total number of people playing the game, that M indexes both the people playing the game and what “round” of the game is currently being played, and that (though no start and end are explicitly shown) we start at M:=1 and end when all the presents under the tree are opened.

Greg, Paul.za, Michelle and I identified a few problems with this setup, though, while we were planning the party.

1. The person who goes first doesn’t get to play the game much unless he or she happens to open a popular present.
2. The last person to go has the most information about the presents and so can make the best choices.
3. Even with no stealbacks, there is the possibility of entering an infinite loop (for certain definitions of “stealbacks”). Artificial rules must be introduced to break that possibility (imposing finite limits on the number of times a particular present can be stolen, on the number of times a particular person can steal, or so forth).

Even by randomizing the play order, the first two points are still kind of lame, and the third point is tricky to solve in a “natural” feeling way.

We brainstormed.

Our goals were to increase participation, to make stealing risky, to make each person’s outcome and level of participation less dependent on the initial ordering of players, and to stop infinite loops in a “natural” way.

Time limits, different rules (or randomly chosen ones) for each round, dynamic creation of rules, stealing limits, the ability to block steals, voting… we thought of a bunch of ideas. In the end, I decided to try the following.

At the beginning of their turn, each player is presented with a choice: open a present from the tree, or roll a die. If you roll the die, there are three possible outcomes: open a present from under the tree, steal an already opened present from someone, or be forced to take the present from a randomly chosen “chump” (and to switch turns with that chump).

The “tree” outcome of the die probabilistically (though not deterministically) breaks infinite loops, stealing is risky (you might end up with a random present instead of the one you want), the ordering of players is changed throughout the game, and there’s more yelling. I think all our goals were met.

The party was last night, and it was totally fun.

Dylan, Roger, Jeff and others had some really nice ideas for version 2.0. Next time we do this, I may eliminate the freedom of choice (you’ll just plain have to roll the die), and have the outcome probabilities change as the game progresses (lots of trees in the beginning, more stealing at the end, more randomization everywhere).

And yes, I drew the flowchart for the party.

And no, I didn’t know how to spell the singular form of “dice” until today.

They put on a really good show. Very engaging and energetic. I also really dug Andrew Bird and his Leslie-like cartoony speaker setup. His live performance, though, was head and shoulders better than his Armchair Apocrypha album I got off of iTunes after the concert.

The crazy part of the evening, however, was meeting Morena Baccarin.

Wait, what? Yeah, she was at the Hollywood bowl and, after a double take, I asked for a picture. She was super nice and graciously agreed. It was my first opportunity to interact with a celebrity in LA despite all the small world stories you hear from here and my living in the area for the past four years.

It was awesome: Pleasant ambiance and really good food. Apparently it’s the place to eat brunch, so the staff was a little swamped, but we were seated and served fairly quickly.

I highly recommend the Banana Bread French Toast; totally amazing. Michelle really enjoyed her omelette and even finished her whole breakfast!

To begin my virgin journey to the “deep” South, we flew into Atlanta to get a first hand look at the origins of the South’s (and, perhaps the US’s as a whole) greatest contribution to modern society since Mark Twain: Coca-Cola. Despite what prejudice might suggest about a museum devoted to a massive international corporation, the World of Coca-Cola is a pretty interesting place. Its “centerpiece” is a serpentine time line winding around the walls and detailing the evolution of Coke’s place in American life, its Alexandrian international conquest, and the advertising that got it there. Various rooms also hold exhibits on early and modern bottling practices, small theaters showing classic commercials, and displays of Coca-Cola inspired art. At the end of the museum is a tasting room where I was able to try a dozen or so different Coca-Cola owned sodas including some very strange flavors of Fanta and the infamous Beverly. There’s also a gift shop.

In addition to our Coca-Cola pilgrimage, we also visited the Georgia Aquarium, the King Center, the Fernbank Museum of Natural History, and Stone Mountain.

The aquarium offered an incredible display of whale sharks (in a 6+ million gallon tank) and a bad-ass video of an octopus squidging itself through a small pipe, but was underwhelming on the whole given the $24 price tag. The King center was much more interesting; visiting gave a good account of the civil right movement and was a pretty powerful experience. The Fernbank had both a display of the world’s largest dinosaur skeletons (making the bus trip out there worthwhile) and a distinct lack of electricity while we were there (making the trip sort of a bust). At Stone Mountain, we saw the talented glass blowers, entertaining blacksmith, and, of course, the vast relief of Davis, Lee and Jackson that defies complete appreciation due to the lack of any way to get a feeling of scale for the immense, three acre carving.

Now, I know there will be many who disagree with this assessment (or the conclusion), so allow me to seal the deal by offering up a concrete example grounded in objectivity that will surely convince even the most fervorous of dissenters: Elliott Smith v. The Village People.

As long as nobody brings up Belle and Sebastian, I think we’ve got that all settled.

Get in touch with… Greg or Ellen or Paul.za if you want it (or me by phone); I’m at the beach today.

Created by MapBuilder.net. Click the little red “pushpins” for more information about each of our stops.

The map above should display a few highlighted stops we made along the way: Año Nuevo State Reserve, Natural Bridges State Beach, 17 Mile Drive, and Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park. The short of it is that it turns out highway 1 is gorgeous. For for the long of it, see my flickr photos.

Since we stopped so often, we ended up spending the night in Paso Robles, CA at the Relax Inn. We were looking for something cheap, and we found it. We didn’t realize that the place would also be pretty nice. Comfortable and pleasant looking rooms, free pastries for breakfast and a charming proprietor (you might want to call ahead for the best price). If you’re ever in the area looking for a hotel, the Relax Inn has my recommendation.

It airs tonight at 9 (8 central).

Apparently you can see me several times during the show, so watch it and admire my too hot visage.

It’s a really nice place.

Besides the wedding activities, the whale watching trip we all took was the highlight of the weekend.

Saturday morning, we headed to Rosario Resort‘s docks and climbed aboard Deer Harbor Charters‘ whale watching vessel Pelagic. Once aboard, our guide, James, talked about the orca whales’ history and behavior and pointed out other local wildlife (bald eagles, porpoises, seals, etc.) as we cruised out to sea. About an hour and a half after leaving the docks, we spotted our first orcas a hundred meters or so off the boat. Soon we were surrounded by whales, though none was particularly close. When feeding, an orca pod apparently tends to spread out unless one of the whales finds a large group of fish.

We motored around a bit to try and get a better view when a group of about six whales to starbord and aft started swimming (quickly) right toward us. Every ten seconds or so, a few whales would surface: each time a little closer. Finally, one whale surfaced about eight meters from the boat. Everyone scrambled to take pictures, but a feeding orca is not above water for very long. Just after it resubmerged, two more whales surfaced literally within one meter of the boat and dove underneath us. We saw them up close and, man, are orcas big.

After that, those several whales hung around us for five or ten minutes; we were apparently right above their chosen fish. I got a couple pictures but nothing as spectacular as being there in person. Hopefully someone else was a better shot.

The tour lasted about three and a half hours (Allen said he had the Gilligan’s Island theme stuck in his head the whole time) and was a lot of fun.

That afternoon, we drove up to the top of Mount Constitution in Moran State Park. My great grandfather was in charge of the CCC‘s construction of the stone tower at the peak of the mountain, so it was something of a familial pilgrimage. The view from the top is spectacular, and we could see tiny little whale watching boats down on the water. Indeed, with binoculars, we could see the whales the boats were watching!

Seeng whales from two feet was more exciting than seeing whales from two thousand feet, but both were a lot of fun.

Superman’s character makes for a difficult movie. He fights for truth, justice, and (more controversially) the American way, he never lies, he’s essentially invincible, and he’s well loved by society. Other than his alter ego’s bumbling awkwardness, he has no character flaw and has only one weakness: kryptonite.

So how do you go about making a meaningful movie with such a two dimensional character? The only inner conflict at our disposal is Superman’s departure and return (implied by the movie title) and the possibility that he gets fed up saving the world every time Hollywood calls upon him to do so.

Below there be spoilers.

The typical plot arc is as follows, and I’m sick of it. Superman saves Lois, Lex Luthor thinks of a way to rule the world and keep Superman out of the picture, Superman almost dies, Lois saves Superman, Superman stops Lex. Everyone smiles.

So how do you make a meaningful Superman movie? Let me tell you how. You give Superman a son, but keep both Superman and Junior ignorant of the child’s heredity. Ideally, Junior would be a teenager with a bit of a dark side, but an innocent kid would work too. Superman leaves earth to search for his destroyed home world of Krypton, only to return years later despondent with the knowledge that the planet really is just a graveyard.

Junior begins to develop superpowers as he gets older. As the two interact (both via Clark and Superman himself), Junior starts to realize his true origins and what those origins might mean for his future. He rebels against this doom and, in so doing, inadvertently brings about conditions under which Superman must sacrifice himself in order to save the world. Superman dies.

We see Junior facing the death of his biological father and clinging to Superman’s memory and iconic superhero costume. In Junior’s newly held conviction to fight for all his father stood for, we discover the true meaning of the movie’s title: Superman Returns. The world in mourning sees a new champion.

Now that is an awesome concept for a Superman movie. And guess what? The movie Hollywood chose to make does something completely lame instead.

Superman Returns follows the standard plot arc and is devoid of any real self reflection by anyone but Lois Lane’s boyfriend. Lois Lane’s boyfriend, Cyclops.

Weak.

Lame plot and static characters aside, the movie was reasonably entertaining. There were a couple great scenes, some awesome visuals, and an odd few Batman references. Brandon Routh did an admirable job playing Clark’s innocent dorkiness and Superman’s unrealistic goody-goodiness, though Kate Bosworth‘s Lois wasn’t great. Oh, and the score was a little uninspiring.

On the whole, I give it a “worth seeing”, but you might wait until it comes out on DVD.

It’s just sad to me that really good franchise movies can be made and can be made as blockbusters (witness X-Men, X-2, and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban), but Hollywood still decides to put out shallow, money-making crap (X-Men: The Last Stand, all the other Harry Potter Movies).